rumble

http://www.kcci.com/news/24266813/detail.html

this may have been the worst feeling I've ever been consumed with. for those who don't know, I work at that facility. you can see my elbow in the prayer circle video.

whatevs

[ROUGH draft: I just don't want to forget this (I'm fired up and I like it). I'd also like to expand it into a post later]

to all those whom I've argued about music with in the past, whom've told me I need to take music classes and study theory, I remain in defiance of your agenda. how do you think your theory came about? the pioneers of everything musical just farted around in front of their pianos and tabla drums and they experimented with sounds and rhythms (I spelled that right on the 2nd try) that opened up different parts of their brains (insert research about ragas, etc). A friend's friend told that Stravinsky once said "good composers don't imitate, they steal." I can't seem to find any context for this. If you can put this in context, please let me know. I personally knew, by experimentation with my various instruments, that putting triplet pulses together with 4/4 pulses made things feel intense and created a conflicted feeling. I figured out how to make minor chords and major and minor scales by playing around with my guitar. I read that Joanna Newsom's harp teacher just straight told her that "polyrhythms" and "cross-rhythms" are a good way to make a conflicting rhythm and that was a major influence. I'm not trying to take anything away from students of music but I, personally, feel better when I use musical theory that I've developed myself.

In defense of theory, there are examples such as E.E. Cummings who (as far as I know, does not have a solo album) was a master or the English language and in most of his poems, he broke every rule possible because he knew how to evoke the desired feelings. I see the argument for both sides. The point of this was "hey, Adam Roorda/Brennyn from Skidmore/everyone else: you have your way and that works fine but mine works fine too, so don't tell me I won't get anywhere this way." I'm still open to this debate but everything I've done with music (except for how to make 7th chords, this being a recent unsolicited tidbit from a guitar friend) has been from experimentation.

it's raining and I really need to return some books and I hate not riding my bike in the summer. that just seems sacrilegious. also, I just heard that the spill in the gulf is now releasing methane in amounts that could basically poison every living thing on earth. if anybody knows of any good organizations that we could go through and promote that could help, lemme know.

a drop of blood from a sugarcube

I've been feeling pretty darn lonely these past couple of weeks.

My best friends are in different states, kicking ass at moving on with their lives and making me feel like I live too much in nostalgia and memories. I went to New York to visit one of said friends and he, in short, has his shit together. All of my aforementioned friends don't even have summer roots here anymore, they've been completely transplanted. I have one true friend left in this town and we're on extremely different schedules and we will be going to different schools again come autumn.

I played a show in Pella for a high school band with some people I used to be close with. Not a single person came up to talk to me. When I branched out, the conversation felt forced and no one was really comfortable. Also, that show kinda blew. Like blew chunX.

I work at a job where I can't talk to anyone for 7 straight hours, I can only listen to the deluge of rushing water and the insignificant problems of overstimulated middle school kids. Even if I could talk to the people I work with, I have no connections to any of them. I've extended welcomes to everyone, all of them, but I just get passed off or straight up ignored. When I gave up talking completely, I get treated like the depressed-suicide-watch-case because I read outside before work. I feel completely insignificant.

EDIT: I guess I have a very social locus of identity and that's not good. Friends are important, not every single stranger and half-acquaintance. It's just that it was rejection in rapid succession that it made me question where I was in my life, which is a very important question to ask. It also helped me realize that I need to blaze some new territory. I mean in every realm of my life. I've been meaning to start drawing again. I've already got a project lined up (on that note, if you have a giant wooden [metal, plastic, etc.] disc about my height and are looking to get rid of it, let me know), I'm going to save some money to go to St. Louis and finish recording my album with Brooks (I sent the recording back for one more equalization change, unfortunately, I didn't notice the bass line is pretty covered up but whatever). I started working out, waiting for that day someone says "yeah, you can have this grand piano. If you can carry it outta here hahaha I'm so rich and my nose is so far up my own as I have no appreciation for anything." and I'll be like "stand back, these things," pointing at my massive forearms, "are declared a violation of the Geneva Conventions just for existing."

Yeah.

It's just that I'm living in a loop, unconsciously trying to keep everything constant and manageable while ostensibly trying to live like every second is blazing a bold new future, never compromising truth and/or happiness for comfort. The former is clearly the driving force as I am at my computer writing a blog entry. And yes, that was an indictment towards you, dear readers. Not really though. This is a great forum for half-cocked concepts. I like the idea of pouring your unfiltered ideas into your page because I find it difficult to be the same when I'm by myself and when the world is watching. That's like my definition of bullshit. And with that, here's a comic I printed off that I keep over my desk at school.